Corn Flakes To Curb Masturbation?

On the weekends, I love a great big brunch of bacon, fried eggs and hash, some toast, coffee and some nice fresh fruit. Taking some time for this kind of breakfast bliss is one small way I enjoy some time away from the pressures of life.

Of course, given my chosen and adored line of work here, I like to use another technique to remove myself from the stress of family, day job, bills and more. That’s right, if I’m not getting something more, then I’m gettin’ something with me because even more so than my great, big breakfast, I love me some mellow masturbating.

Thing is, I had no idea that I was putting that kind of fun in jeopardy with what I eat all of the weekday mornings. I’m totally a cereal guy—but I should have done some reading on sexual history before falling into that habit. Turns out one of the most famous breakfast cereals in the world is actually an anti-masturbation food supplement!

Madness from masturbation

Well, it was intended to be, but I don’t really think Dr. John Harvey Kellogg had any idea what he was talking about. What’s a duck say? Oh yes, a duck says “Quack” and this crazy fucker was in charge of many people’s lives with his crazy ideas about good nutrition lessening masturbatory inclinations. That’s right, he created Corn Flakes to stop people from enjoying self-love.

You see, Kellogg wasn’t into sex. No, that is an understatement. Kellogg was vehemently against sex. Nowadays, we would naturally be curious as to what happened in his life to make him so butthurt when it comes to people enjoying sex with others and themselves. Hell, maybe he was actually hurt in the butt and that just scared him away from all sexual contact. Regardless the reasons, Kellogg reflected a growing sentiment from that time that spoke out against sex and masturbation.

And as the superintendent of the Battle Creek Sanitarium in Michigan, US, he put those beliefs into practice to spread the word of idle hands. He was of the belief that a healthy lifestyle, including balanced, nutritional food would curb the impulses for masturbation. He also did some other bizarre things such as chemically burning clitorises, wires in foreskin and yoghurt enemas. All in the name of stopping people from touching themselves.

Foolish fears

This is truly one of the more stupid times in history. Masturbation is, by far, the most simple form of self-care available. Touching yourself raises hormones and other delightful body chemicals and brings you a sense of joy and satisfaction. Sure, that sensation can be somewhat fleeting as it will wear off—but probably not as quickly as most people think. An orgasm, or even just the good feelings accompanying self-love can last for hours afterward.

So, really, what is the problem with masturbation? Perhaps, when populations were smaller, it didn’t make sense for men to spill their semen on the ground. But those days are long, long past. And women...in what ways does a woman’s masturbation hinder or harm anything else in the world? Guys could have been wasting their energy jerkin’ it and then not being able to get it back up to impregnate a woman to continue the species. There is no earthly reason a woman’s masturbation techniques affect anyone else at all.

Fortunately, this foolish idea never took hold. Hell, I’ve probably chowed down on Corn Flakes while at the same time forgetting those stresses! Sorry, Kellogg, you failed. But I do like your cereal!