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Ghosting Is The Wrong Way To Break-Up

Ghosting Is The Wrong Way To Break-Up

Every year is remembered for certain milestones and phenomena in the sex and dating scene. A few years ago Fifty Shades of Grey had us all bound, and polyamory has certainly enjoyed the attention of many. While there were many other memorable social elements of 2016, the most pervasive might have been the concept of ghosting.

Let’s say you’re on a date, or two, or maybe even in a relationship. It seemed good but, you’re not really feeling it anymore. Do you end things with the other person, tell them you’re moving on but thank you for the time we’ve had? Or do you just drift off, ignore emails/texts/phone calls and do your best to never have to deal with the other person’s hurt feelings again?

The former is the mature and considerate way to handle a break-up. The latter is ghosting and it sucks. While definitely not a new phenomenon (this stuff has been going on forever, it just got a fancy name this year), ghosting not only invokes a spirit name, but it also can break spirits. Getting dumped is hard enough, never mind not getting any sort of resolution to the situation.

 

Tech to blame?

Many will attribute ghosting to the rampant use of on-the-go technology and dating apps. Sure, these devices may make avoiding someone easier, but they aren’t the reason this happens. People have always had poor communication skills, particularly when it comes to dating and relationships. The whole Rom-Com genre would not exist if dating were something we’re good at. It may have been harder to avoid someone when you didn’t have call display, but it certainly still happened.

Some folks will put the main blame of ghosting heavily on men’s shoulders, believing men are particularly good at and the most frequent dating apparitions. There could be something to this truth given the way men are portrayed as poorly communicative and generally without social manners. However, ghosting is definitely not a strictly male trait. I grew up on 80s and 90s dating movies and when women didn’t want the affections of the lovable nerd, they ghosted the hell out of that dude. Anyone can ghost and surely, everyone has done it at some point.

 

Handling ghosting

So, what should you do once you realize you’ve been ghosted? It could hurt. It could leave you with questions. It could leave you wanting to do horrible things to that person. It could leave you questioning your own worth.

All of these feelings are understandable and unfortunate. Particularly if there was an actual relationship of length that was walked away from. Some might say you’ve got to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back out there. After all, a break-up is a break-up is a break-up. Unfortunately, that diminishes your experience and doesn’t really help. If, indeed, all break-ups are similar, then take the time to mourn it as you would and work on getting your self-confidence back.

And if you’re reading this and thinking, “that’s how I roll” then wipe that smirk off your face and grow-the-hell-up. If you can’t handle the prospect of ending relationships properly, then stay home, Just don’t even bother. The world is full of difficult things, don’t add to it.

About Jon Pressick
Jon Pressick

Jon Pressick is the sex community's international gadabout and Cherry Banana's writer in residence. An award-winning sex writer and blogger, Jon is the editor of the critically-acclaimed Best Sex Writing of the Year, Volume 1. He is a frequent contributor to Cherry Banana with a range of sex-related content and his writing has appeared in numerous magazines and books, as well as all across the Internet. Jon is also a co-host and producer of the long-running sex radio show Sex City. You can keep up with his many sex-related articles here at Cherry Banana or at his own blog, Sex in Words.

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