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Non-Monogamy in the 21st Sextury

Non-Monogamy in the 21st Sextury

It may seem like a new craze, but exploring different relationship structures has happened throughout history and across cultures. The current Western model of emotional and sexual monogamy tied to love is actually a relatively new version of coupling, despite its prevalence. But these days many people are questioning the predominance of monogamy as the only valued relationship and are rediscovering various versions of non-monogamy.

While it is still a fairly taboo topic, particularly among people who practice most forms of Christianity, expanding your bed to include more than one person can come in many different forms. You could be single and interested in forming relationships with different people simultaneously. You might be part of a couple who are interested in bringing a third person or a couple into your relationship for fun or as equal partners. Love could be part of the relation equation or everything could be entirely casual and purely sexual.

If there is one constant when it comes to the idea of non-monogamy, it is that it is ever-evolving to include and consider the many different needs we all have when it comes to sex and love. It is also constantly evolving to include shifts in particular relationships! We all know that sometimes things start off as casual hook-ups but can become deeply intense love affairs! This can be a distinct joy and heartbreak of pursuing a non-monogamous relationship.

If you are interested in opening your life or current relationship to another person or people, there are two key concepts to remember and always consider. The first is consent. Ensuring that your non-monogamy is entirely consensual is paramount. If you decide to see more than one person at a time, everyone who is involved with you should be aware of your choices. This means no cheating! All of your partners should be aware there are other partners. Not only is this fair in an emotional sense, but it is also a safety concern. The more people you are intimate with increases your chances of coming into contact with STIs and increases your need to practice safer sex.

The other key term is respect. When bringing someone new into your existing relationship or if you join a partnership as the newbie yourself, the bunch of you need to communicate and understand each other. In any relationship there are power structures and those dynamics need to be respected by all involved. Don't go into something new expecting to change people and how they interact with each other. And don't expect someone new to immediately fall in line with how you do things. Individuals, couples and groups need to be constantly reassessing their needs and feelings.

Opening yourself or your relationship up to the potentials of non-monogamy can be a life-changing experience. But it does take a lot of care and compassion - for yourself and everyone else involved.

About Jon Pressick
Jon Pressick

Jon Pressick is the sex community's international gadabout and Cherry Banana's writer in residence. An award-winning sex writer and blogger, Jon is the editor of the critically-acclaimed Best Sex Writing of the Year, Volume 1. He is a frequent contributor to Cherry Banana with a range of sex-related content and his writing has appeared in numerous magazines and books, as well as all across the Internet. Jon is also a co-host and producer of the long-running sex radio show Sex City. You can keep up with his many sex-related articles here at Cherry Banana or at his own blog, Sex in Words.

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