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Q&A: Should I Have Sex With My Personal Trainer?

Q&A: Should I Have Sex With My Personal Trainer?

Q: I work out at the trendiest gym in town. As a woman in my early forties, I want to look the best I can! And I’m not the only one, there are many women similar to me taking the same classes as I am. I wasn’t entirely sure why when I showed up to my first spin class, but I figured it out pretty quick. Our instructor is gorgeous! He’s young, he’s muscled and his shorts are tight in the right places. The seat of my bike was wet from more than just sweat after that first class! After a few weeks, I was getting up the nerve to ask him out for a drink, but then I overheard the other women in the locker room. He has slept with a remarkable number of them! Should I still ask him out?

A: I think I’ll pose two different questions to your conundrum: do you believe these women and more importantly, do you actually care? If you are really concerned that he is just too much of a player and that you can take your classmates at their word, then no, you probably shouldn’t pursue your gym instructor. If you couldn't care less whether or not he’s been removing lycra left right and centre, then go right ahead and get to know him a little better. Maybe he’s been giving everybody private naked workouts that make their bodies feel fantastic.

But, do take into consideration something else. Do you like going to classes? Do you enjoy your gym? What would happen if you two hook up and something unpleasant happens between the two of you?

You might find out that he’s a complete asshole. You might find out he’s cheating on his partner. You might find out he’s a terrible lay. Of course, these are all things you might find out about anyone you hook up with, but here’s the added catch - you two already have a power-based relationship and things could get messy.

In an ideal world, we meet and date people and even if it doesn’t work out we part amicably and there are never any more problems between us. That world does not exist for many of us and instead we have to deal with unpleasant situations. Do you want going to the gym to be uncomfortable in the future? Would you stay in his class if something goes badly between you two?

This may sound pessimistic and negative, but whenever people enter into a sexual relationship when they already have a different relationship, there is the potential for difficulties. In one sense, he has the position of power, because he runs the class you’re in. In a different sense, you have a position of power because he is an employee of the gym you pay fees to. Each of you have the opportunity to make life difficult for the other, intentionally or not.

So, as tight as his shorts might be, be sure to think through your desire for this guy. You might want to cycle on past.

About Jon Pressick
Jon Pressick

Jon Pressick is the sex community's international gadabout and Cherry Banana's writer in residence. An award-winning sex writer and blogger, Jon is the editor of the critically-acclaimed Best Sex Writing of the Year, Volume 1. He is a frequent contributor to Cherry Banana with a range of sex-related content and his writing has appeared in numerous magazines and books, as well as all across the Internet. Jon is also a co-host and producer of the long-running sex radio show Sex City. You can keep up with his many sex-related articles here at Cherry Banana or at his own blog, Sex in Words.

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