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Q&A: Should I Reveal My Lifestyle To My Co-Workers?

Q&A: Should I Reveal My Lifestyle To My Co-Workers?

Q: "I lead a very out, kinky lifestyle everywhere - except work. I am into the leather community, I am polyamorous and I am bisexual. I frequent sex parties and different sex events, many of which are fundraisers. But I am not at all out at my place of work. Which can be very challenging when my co-workers ask about my weekend, my family, my interests. Should I be more open?"

A: It would be absolutely wonderful if this world were open to the many different sexualities and lifestyles that are out there. We’d all be richer in life experience if that were the case. I bet people would try more things, strike up conversations more and generally take care of each other better. Free and open conversations about sex is pretty much my version of utopia.

Unfortunately, we’re not there yet. And depending where you live, we’re not even close.

There are two main considerations when it comes to outing yourself at work: social and legal.

Your workplace is, no doubt, made up of people from many different backgrounds, brought together for the purpose of completing tasks for pay. While some work environments can become very social and friendly, they are still different from a social gathering with friends. There you’re likely together because of shared interests and beliefs. You cannot guarantee that is the case at work.

If you out yourself at work, you may encounter people with radically different belief systems than you. Some may quietly disassociate from you, some might become downright hostile. This can cause a rift in personal and professional relationships. You might find people really hard to work with moving forward. And depending on the playground mentality of your workplace, you might find yourself a pariah and shut out from all kinds of social situations.

That sounds bad... but it can get worse.

Depending where you live, it is possible you could be fired from your position for revealing personal, sexual details - particularly your sexuality. As hard as it is to believe, many countries and regions still have no legal protection for ensuring LGBTQ people are not unduly terminated from their work for being out. It seems a pretty basic thing; your sexuality should not play a role in your employment, but that fact stands.

And this can apply to other sexualities and lifestyles. If you’re thinking of becoming more open about living your life out loud, you need to do two things: do some research on the legalities of firing people and research the company you work for to ensure it does not have a legal standing to terminate you. Some companies have morality clauses, particularly those wherein you might deal with the public or be a public figure. Anything remotely sexual can often trigger that clause.

All of this said, if you make the choice to reveal your sexuality and lifestyles to your workmates, good luck! I hope they embrace it and ask questions. You just might become the most interesting person in the office who people come to ask questions to!

About Jon Pressick
Jon Pressick

Jon Pressick is the sex community's international gadabout and Cherry Banana's writer in residence. An award-winning sex writer and blogger, Jon is the editor of the critically-acclaimed Best Sex Writing of the Year, Volume 1. He is a frequent contributor to Cherry Banana with a range of sex-related content and his writing has appeared in numerous magazines and books, as well as all across the Internet. Jon is also a co-host and producer of the long-running sex radio show Sex City. You can keep up with his many sex-related articles here at Cherry Banana or at his own blog, Sex in Words.

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