Remember those times when you’d just met your partner? When the two of you would do anything to get your hands, lips, mouths and more on each other? Pull over the side of the road for a quicky? Sure! Spend the entire weekend in bed? Absolutely! Occupy the bathroom at your cousin Nate’s wedding for so long that guests were leaving to go use the facilities at the cafe down the street? Why not!
Those times of complete sexual abandon, of giving in to the moment regardless of what else is on your plate are fantastic. Unfortunately, for many long-term couples, these heady times are almost impossible to keep up in the long-run. There are so many distractions and things to get in the way. Kids. Jobs. Stress. Bills. Illness. Chores. Any and all of these can put a real chill on the hot and heavy times you’d previously relished.
As a consequence of distractions, many couples fall into sexual ruts - which sometimes can be really hard to climb out of. The first time one partner actually says “No, not tonight” can be almost heartbreaking. Of course, we’re all going to have to say no sometimes, even if our own heart breaks at the thought. But when it actually happens, it feels like something has slipped away.
But it hasn’t! Sex is a great part of our lives, but it is not the only part. We do have to balance our awesome sex lives with the many other things we do out of necessity and for fun. Which is why, for the busy, tired and frustated folks out there, scheduling sex with your partner can be a great idea.
The idea of scheduling sex can immediately ruffle feathers and get people upset, but this concern is unnecessary. The most common argument against scheduled sex is that it removes the spontaneity and passion out of pleasure and, ultimately, places sex in the same category as just another chore. Now, all of that can be true - if you treat your scheduled sex as you would washing dishes or mowing the lawn. However, scheduled sex can embrace passion and even introduce new elements to your relationship.
On the base level, if you cherish sexual intimacy with your partner (and they feel the same way), your scheduled sex will never feel passionless. It will always be what you make it. And one of the ways to ensure your sexytime is still hot is to build anticipation to that sexy agenda item. Tease each other. Sext each other. Make plans - and sometimes get elaborate. What you lose in spontaneity you can make up for in creativity! Hopefully you can plan your sex sessions to be during times when the two of you have the most energy and attention to give to maximize the amazing feelings and sensations you are going to share together.
A breakdown of sexual communication and activity can sometimes be the deathknell of a relationship. In the very least, discussing your sex and when you plan to have it establishes and maintains that communication.
Remember, sex is always what you make of it. And having time to be rested, focused and prepared can definitely make it better.
Jon Pressick is the sex community's international gadabout and Cherry Banana's writer in residence. An award-winning sex writer and blogger, Jon is the editor of the critically-acclaimed Best Sex Writing of the Year, Volume 1. He is a frequent contributor to Cherry Banana with a range of sex-related content and his writing has appeared in numerous magazines and books, as well as all across the Internet. Jon is also a co-host and producer of the long-running sex radio show Sex City. You can keep up with his many sex-related articles here at Cherry Banana or at his own blog, Sex in Words.
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