One of the frustrating parts of long-term sexual relationships is when the sexy activities you love and enjoy get a little stale. This isn’t anybody’s fault, this isn’t because you become boring. But it is only natural that we find specific hot and heavy preferences and stick to them because they work. We have fun, we establish intimacy, we get those happy hormones running through our bodies and sometimes we might even orgasm. If these factors come together in a routine, it makes sense to follow that routine. We’re talking simple sexual psychology here!
Unfortunately, we’re humans and most of us do get tired of monotonous routine after a while. Monotony can breed complacency and suddenly other activities—any other activities—can get in the way of getting hot and heavy.
Talking into something new
The thing with repetitive sex is that it usually isn’t caused by a lack of desire but rather a lack of communication. For many, different sexual fantasies stay locked up inside their libidos but aren’t realized because they are never verbalized to their partner. This isn’t the time to get into the many different reasons for sexual communication breakdown, but it does point to a potential problem for couples: not trying new things.
We’re fully onboard with the idea of always trying new sexual things! And for the sake of this short post we’re going to presume you are too and are able to communicate these desires to your partner.
But what, in the wide world of sex, should you try???
Dipping your toes in
Take an inventory of your past sexual experiences and think about the things you liked best. Do you want to continue in those lines and expand those pleasures or do you want to move on to something else entirely and try some totally new sensations?
Whatever direction you choose, one of the hottest ways to spice up a sex life is by adding sex toys! Whether with vibrations, new types of penetration or by exploring the many delicious implements of BDSM, sex toys and new pleasure go hand in hand. If you’ve never used them, do some research and pick toys that appeal to the parts of your body you like touched and how you like them touched. If you’re already using sex toys in your fun, think of toys that will enhance the fun different parts of your body.
Follow your body
Speaking of your body, always remember it is a great, big playground of sexual pleasure. A common type of monotonous sex is when partners focus on just the usual suspects of sex. Penis, vulva, vagina, nipples, ass... these are the most common landmarks of sexual pleasure—but they don’t have to be the only ones! Our skin is full of delightful nerve endings that are just begging to be stroked, licked, bitten and more! You and your partner can explore your feet, your legs, your back, your armpits, your scalp and so much more! These might not be the main course (unless a new fetish emerges), but they will make for great foreplay! Finally, let’s pull this back to communication. You know what can be one of the hottest things you and your partner can do? Talk about sex. Explore your sexual desire in words. Tell each other what you want and watch the excitement grow!
Jon Pressick is the sex community's international gadabout and Cherry Banana's writer in residence. An award-winning sex writer and blogger, Jon is the editor of the critically-acclaimed Best Sex Writing of the Year, Volume 1. He is a frequent contributor to Cherry Banana with a range of sex-related content and his writing has appeared in numerous magazines and books, as well as all across the Internet. Jon is also a co-host and producer of the long-running sex radio show Sex City. You can keep up with his many sex-related articles here at Cherry Banana or at his own blog, Sex in Words.
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