What Is Normal Sex?

Language is a tricky thing, especially when it comes to sex. It can be hyper-specific and it can also be so vague as to be confusing. If you talk to people from different groups or in different regions, you’ll even find that sex can be broken down into different dialects and sub-sections. It really isn’t easy to navigate and ensure everyone in the room is speaking the same sexual language.

Different ways to talk

In a way, this can be a wonderful thing! When you meet and enjoy time with someone who speaks a different version of sex than you know, the two (or more) of you can learn exciting new things and explore new sexual adventures. On the other hand, when that same new situation happens, there is the great potential for miscommunication and misinterpretation. The result can be anywhere from awkward to uncomfortable to unpleasant.

As you travel among different sexual groups and their sexual dialects, you’ll find one word that is the most problematic. It is the most confused, it carries the most opportunity to be misunderstood and has absolutely no clear definition—not only among different sexual dialects but between like-speaking people.

There really is no clear meaning for what it is to be sexually “normal.”

This may be hard to take in because normal is a word we use all of the time. It is meant to be a baseline, with anything that falls away from that baseline being abnormal. Think about it: how frequently do you use the word normal to be mean “conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected.” That’s what comes up on Google as the definition. In society, we use the term to define all kinds of people, actions and outcomes. But do we really want it to define our sex?

Is normal possible?

I’ll put it out there: I am not sure that it would be at all possible to set a baseline of “normal” for any type of sex. We are too diverse, too motivated toward sexual ingenuity and too damn curious for there to ever be one type of sex that would stand as the litmus test for “normal.” There are also too many outside factors weighing in. Religion and moralities, legalities, government's, social fads, literature and porn that can definitely propel the concept of normal to different directions at different times.

Our great big world is too varied. There have been times where sexual baselines have been set. Think missionary position, in bed, with the lights out between two heterosexual people of clear male and female genders (with the male in a dominant position) specifically for procreation. Fortunately, I think we all see why that is problematic as the “normal” upon which to judge all other sexual interests.

And really...why would we ever want to strive towards something deemed “normal”? That takes the fun and creativity out of sex. It leaves no room for discovering new things and activities that rock your world. It could actually be damaging to a relationship if boredom sets in. There may have formerly been a time where sex for procreation was the main goal, but that circumstance has long past and we live in a potential sexual wonderland and theme park.

And I doubt there is much of a line-up for the Normal Coaster.