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Who Initiates Sex?

Who Initiates Sex?

A hard day has just finished. You’ve both made it home, barely limping across the threshold, collapsing in a heap of uncomfortable office wear and bills from the mailbox. Maybe you’re lucky and some kids are there to ask when dinner will be ready too! At this point, sex is probably the furthest thing from your mind. But damn, wouldn’t it feel amazing if your partner just took control of the situation and took control of you?

We all lead busy, stressful and demanding lives and when you’re in a coupled relationship, those lives are doubled. So when you finally get to bed, after you’ve had a busy day, what could be better than laying back on the bed and letting your partner please and pamper you all the way to a fantastic orgasm (followed by sleep, glorious sleep)?

But the thing is, your partner might be in the same boat. Exhausted, mind full of work issues/kid issues/car troubles/whatever! Their body might be wishing for the exact same thing you want and desire: Take me now because I can’t even take myself.

This is where couples fall into a rut. It is far too easy to hope for the other to be the sexual saviour, the one who steps up and touches, kisses, leads and pleases. But when you’re both hoping to look up at the ceiling and receive the touches, kisses and more, it is most likely both will be looking at the ceiling before drifting off to sleep.

And don’t even think of starting a “well, I initiated last time” argument. If you’re both in a weary state you’re going to act more like bickering teenagers than loving partners who just want to get some.

So, what can you do?

 

Talk to each other

A great way to get past the “who initiates” conundrum is to talk. Sure, chatting about sex should be a great catalyst for hoochie-coo, but relating with each other can be a better entry into a comfortable, relaxed zone. Tell funny stories and laugh together. This will up your energy just enough and get you both in a better mood. Steer clear of conversations that could be stressful such as the kids (unless they’ve done something ridiculous you can laugh at them for), finances and that fool at work who drives you crazy. Focus on the positive and you’ll both brighten up.

 

Touch each other

From there, enjoy some not-specifically-sexual and spontaneous touch. Reach over and give your partner a surprise noogie. Run your fingers through their hair. Roll on top of them and continue on to the other side. You’ll find that any kind of physical contact will inspire more contact. Maybe it’ll turn into a wrestling match! Maybe someone will get put over knees for a spank. Maybe a massage, or some mutual massage will break out.

See, you’re getting warmer. Now you’re both touching. You’re both making contact. Now there is no pressure for either of you to initiate. If sexytimes are going to happen, this is a much more organic happening. Of course, none of this will “guarantee” sex because we always need to be on the same page as our partners. Consent is key! But all of this touching and talking should bring a better mood to the bedroom, regardless how tired you each are.

About Jon Pressick
Jon Pressick

Jon Pressick is the sex community's international gadabout and Cherry Banana's writer in residence. An award-winning sex writer and blogger, Jon is the editor of the critically-acclaimed Best Sex Writing of the Year, Volume 1. He is a frequent contributor to Cherry Banana with a range of sex-related content and his writing has appeared in numerous magazines and books, as well as all across the Internet. Jon is also a co-host and producer of the long-running sex radio show Sex City. You can keep up with his many sex-related articles here at Cherry Banana or at his own blog, Sex in Words.

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