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Waking Up To The Reality Of Sexsomnia

Waking Up To The Reality Of Sexsomnia

Some may consider it a funny quirk or the root of ridiculous jokes, but others have dealt with or lived through the potentially devastating effects of a rare condition called sexsomnia.

What is sexsomnia?

In the most basic sense, sexsomnia is attempting to and sometimes actually achieving in having sex while a person remains asleep. It sounds like something out of a sitcom that should include a laugh track, but it really is no laughing matter. Officially, sexsomnia is a parasomnia and one of many other abnormal sleep disorders that include sleep walking.

The degree to which someone acts during a sexsomnia episode can vary. Sometimes the person will just touch or reach out or in other instances the “desire” can be more direct and forceful. There have been reported instances of sexual force and rape that are attributed to sexsomnia. A long-running case of sexual assault in Canada resulted in a retrial after a man had been already convicted. Appeal lawyers reviewed details of the assault, which included him snoring while it happened and the man’s family history of sleepwalking.

Because sexsomnia is related to sleep disorders, it can be caused and brought on by different triggers. There is that issue of family history and predisposition to sleep challenges. Stress is also believed to be a strong factor. Alcohol use could also be involved. but sexsomnia remains a fairly mysterious condition.

What can happen?

That doesn’t outweigh the potential damage that can be done during a sexsomnia episode. The instances of rape and sexual assault are a lasting problem for the victims of the situation. At the same time, the perpetrator may also suffer from extreme guilt if deemed guilty of such an “attack.” It is impossible to excuse a sexual assault, but how do we handle someone who had no actual control over their actions while committing the attack?

Because sexsomnia is still shrouded in mystery, there are definitely people who doubt the veracity of the sexsomnia claim. And that doubt is understandable as the sexsomnia excuse does really sound ludicrous. But we are learning more and more about the brain and its complexity all the time. While nobody ever wants to excuse a rapist, some consideration must be given if a sexsomnia reason can be proven.

But it isn’t just these extreme cases that make sexsomnia problematic. Imagine falling in love with someone, moving in or even marrying them and then discovering them attempting sex with you in the middle of the night, without your consent. How would you react to that? If it happens repeatedly, would you be able to stay? How would you approach the situation, particularly if it escalates?

Being the partner of a sexsomniac must truly challenging, but here are some ideas on what you can do to deal with the situation. There must be a tremendous amount of honesty, compassion and understanding on both parties to try and sort through the situation and figure out coping strategies.

As kids, we all tried to pretend we were asleep to avoid trouble or play a joke on someone else. Unfortunately, sexsomnia is not a pretend sleep excuse or a joke. It is something we need to continue to learn more about.

About Jon Pressick
Jon Pressick

Jon Pressick is the sex community's international gadabout and Cherry Banana's writer in residence. An award-winning sex writer and blogger, Jon is the editor of the critically-acclaimed Best Sex Writing of the Year, Volume 1. He is a frequent contributor to Cherry Banana with a range of sex-related content and his writing has appeared in numerous magazines and books, as well as all across the Internet. Jon is also a co-host and producer of the long-running sex radio show Sex City. You can keep up with his many sex-related articles here at Cherry Banana or at his own blog, Sex in Words.

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