Erectile Dysfunction Explained

He looks down. No response. He strokes and touches. No response. She reaches over, takes over, and strokes, licks, sucks and plays with it. No response. His penis, his manhood offers no response. He looks at her and has no response.

So much of your identities are tied to our ability to be sexual. Whether you’re a man or a woman, gay or straight or someone else in between, not being able to perform sexually - for any reason - is an immediate mark of shame. Our society puts so much value in the idea that everyone should be a virile, sexual person that anyone who cannot meet those standards is deemed damaged.

For men, the most prevalent manifestation of being “damaged goods” is an occurrence of erectile dysfunction. Not being able to get it up. For many men, there is no more devastating an experience than being in a sexual situation and your cock not rising to the occasion. The first time it happens, after the confusion and shock wanes (but doesn’t disappear), the many reasons come out. “It can happen to anyone”, “I didn’t get enough sleep”, “I am stressed at work” and on and on and on. If erectile dysfunction does happen to you, hopefully it is just something simple to deal with as these. Unfortunately, for most men, it is something much more involved.

There are many potential causes for erectile dysfunction, including physical reasons such as: heart disease, clogged blood vessels, diabetes, high blood pressure, medications, alcoholism and many more. There are also some psychological issues that may impact penile function including depression, anxiety, stress and relationship issues. Because these causes are so disparate and sometimes overlapping, it can be overwhelming just to diagnose the problem. And then, when you do, you could have some significant work to do to get over the issue.

This can take a toll on anyone, particular those who have an active sex life. Moving from wanting and doing to just wanting is a frustrating situation. At the same time, if you are in a partnered relationship, confronting the issue with your partner can also be traumatic. There is a natural inclination, on the part of the partner, to worry and wonder if they are doing something wrong to not turn you on “enough.” Of course, ensuring your partner is comforted and assured can, in and of itself, be stressful and lead to more difficulties, potentially heightening the erectile dysfunction!

If you are experiencing issues with your ability to get or maintain an erection and possibly diminished sexual desire, the best and first place to go is your doctor. Take a deep breath and be ready to explain your situation and how it is impacting you. One of the reasons erectile dysfunction remains an issue for many is that they are unwilling to discuss it. Really, as a whole, society is reluctant to discuss any issues relating to men’s sexual health. This would challenge the idealized image of man: tough, strong, capable and ready to fuck.

Of course, men are much more complex than that. Men face challenges, men are subject to societal expectations. But by seeking help and giving voice to your problems, you will rise to the occasion.