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The Pleasure Of Not Getting Off

The Pleasure Of Not Getting Off

It seems that everything about sex starts, continues and ends with the discussion of orgasm. In that, orgasm is the true pinnacle of sexual happiness and satisfaction. Well, wait, let’s back that up a bit. Male orgasm is the true pinnacle of sexual happiness, with female orgasm more like a really nice to have if you can manage it.

Of course this type of thinking is entirely sexist, but, sadly, it has become the base of what we consider sex. We’ve embraced the term foreplay and incorporated it into our sexual flowchart. But is there such a thing as afterplay? No, not really. Maybe if you’re lucky, but for most people sex ends when a man reaches orgasm.

But this doesn’t have to be the case. Not only are there plenty of hot activities that could continue after his ejaculation, there are also fun thrills that can occur before his orgasm that could greatly increase sexual satisfaction for both partners. If you want to keep the sexy party going, try playing with orgasm denial.

So close, so far away

Often associated with BDSM activities, orgasm denial is simply cutting off sexual activity before a man reaches climax—so that he doesn’t actually blow his load. Once a guy ejaculates, he often loses sexual drive and his desire slows and diminishes. However, if you want your good times to keep on rolling, try some orgasm denial and he and the sexytimes will last longer.

Orgasm denial can be either a psychological or physical stop. The goal is not to diminish passion or desire to cum, rather, by inhibiting his physical need to shoot, you actually increase his need. Orgasm denial can very easily be equated to a massive tease campaign. Every time you make him stop, you increase his want. And will definitely want more!

Physical orgasm denial requires finding pressure points on his body that will distract his body’s orgasm reflex. Various different techniques can work, including a sharp squeeze at the base of the penis or specific pressure on the taint, back behind the scrotum. You may also want to try other parts of his body to avoid his potentially sensitive penis. If he is ticklish, torture him a bit. If he enjoys anal pleasure, work his butt a little to move the pleasure centre to a different part of his body.

On the other hand, psychological orgasm denial can happen just with your words. This type of play relies heavily on relationships with power dynamics. Typically, the man is a submissive who is prone to taking instruction or humiliation. As he is given orders or told he is worthless, these cues might be stimulating inwardly, but are meant to put him in his place of NO CUMMING ALLOWED. The tease will ensure he remains aroused, even if his penis is forced into flaccidness.

I’ve focused on men experiencing orgasm denial, but rest assured that women can play this game too! Many of the same principles apply—you just have to figure out different body parts to squeeze.

About Jon Pressick
Jon Pressick

Jon Pressick is the sex community's international gadabout and Cherry Banana's writer in residence. An award-winning sex writer and blogger, Jon is the editor of the critically-acclaimed Best Sex Writing of the Year, Volume 1. He is a frequent contributor to Cherry Banana with a range of sex-related content and his writing has appeared in numerous magazines and books, as well as all across the Internet. Jon is also a co-host and producer of the long-running sex radio show Sex City. You can keep up with his many sex-related articles here at Cherry Banana or at his own blog, Sex in Words.

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