The Differing Orientations of Sexual Attraction

Have you ever wondered what the differences are in who you become attracted to sexually and who you are attracted to romantically? Why are there some people you only want to fuck and others you only want to cuddle in your 60s? And is it possible to find someone who falls into both categories?

What defines sexual attractions?

Sexual attraction can definitely be linked to romantic attraction, but it could be argued that the desire to have sex with someone is probably a far stronger pull when we initially meet new people. It could be physical attractiveness, it could be pheromones, it could be a heightened lusty situation. Biology could easily be the first factor that pulls us to another person—sometimes quite literally! But, sexual attraction can be more fleeting. It is uncomfortable to write about living, breathing people, but sexual attraction can result in a “been there, done that” sensation once the physical connection has been made. At that point the attraction might be done.

Or, it might be just beginning—and evolving. If a relationship is based on a physical connection at the start, it does often morph into a joined sexual and romantic relationship. We have established sex as an emotionally compelling act that produces a romantic connection. For some, sex is the ultimate in relationship goals.

Of course, some folks do connect in a romantic relationship well before sex ever happens. Sometimes by choice, sometimes by cultural rules. And these relationships can evolve into a significantly satisfying sexual relationship as well. Unfortunately, the sex that comes after marriage is occasionally a disappointment and can be underwhelming. As sex becomes a more commonplace and less taboo topic of discussion, more people who do subscribe to the belief in waiting until marriage are beginning to question their choice for fear of marrying a person with whom they are not sexually compatible. The good thing is there are plenty of readily-available books and websites now that can potentially help people who are experiencing this situation.

Conflicting feelings

But what do you do if you are deeply romantically in love with a person...but don’t have any desire to sleep with them? Or the reverse. What if you feel you should be head over heels for a hottie, but, really, you just want to get into their pants?

You’ll probably produce a checklist in your mind of all of that person’s awesome qualities, physical and emotional. You’ll talk to friends about these qualities and question your judgement. You’ll invite friends to question your judgement. “How could I not!” will ring through your ears, your heart and your junk.

Maybe you’ll give it a go and maybe it’ll work out. Or maybe you’ll give it a go and you’ll be hurt.

Or you’ll hurt the other person.

That is something to remember. Don’t be so selfish as to forget there is another person in this relationship. If you’re content with just being fuckbuddies, make that clear that that is your emotional state. Or if you have feelings for a person but just don’t want to have sex...you have to be clear about that too.