Exploring The Orgasm Imperative

Doesn’t sex always seem a race to finish instead of a scenic tour? Especially considering (depending on your relationship makeup) only one of you might be the one to get there! Should that finish be the key or would a wandering journey of pleasure be a better good time? Putting it that way might change some opinions. Don’t get me wrong, orgasm is a wonderful feeling and amazing sensation. Orgasm can do so many things for our health and well-being. In a perfect state, everybody would be having orgasms with all kinds of sex—and we’d be happy to help each other in whatever means necessary.

But should orgasm always be the goal of sex? Is getting off truly the ultimate realization of sexual pleasure? What about all of the incredible sensations before that? The reality is, we’re taught that achieving orgasm is the pinnacle of sexual thrill and everything else is considered foreplay. This is the Orgasm Imperative.

What’s on your plate?

Let’s compare sex to meals (a pretty common comparison). For those with a sweet tooth or six, dessert is the culmination of a dining experience and everything else eaten along the way is just a means to get to that end. Sure, this might be satisfying in a sense if you’re someone who always eats a proper meal, gets plenty of nutrition from their food and loves every post meal treat served up. Really though, how many people claim all of that? By taking that comparison and applying it to sex, pretty much the only people who can lay a claim to this experience are heterosexual men because their orgasm has been prioritized as the natural culmination of sex, regardless what else happens along the way.

Do you always need dessert?

Taking the food analogy to everyone else though, we see the issues of the orgasm imperative. Some people eat enough of their meal and just don’t have room for dessert no matter how hard they try. Some people can’t get satisfaction from dessert and would rather more veg and meat.

Believing that orgasm is the natural conclusion to sex is potentially damaging to many relationships. In PiV sex (penis in vagina), the V partner can be left with feeling of dissatisfaction if they do not reach orgasm during the time the P is available. At the same time, if either partner does not achieve orgasm, they can be either viewed as, or feel themselves to be a sexual failure. One other problematic situation is trying to help your partner get off. If they don’t, both you and they can feel like you’re not providing sufficient satisfaction and sensation. In other words, in all instances, there is the chance for hurt feelings and tremendous frustration.

Orgasm is a part of sex, for sure, but it does not have to be an integral part of sex. Many sexual activities can be enjoyed for as long as you want without the specific need to get off. In fact, you can do everything you ever do otherwise and just slow it down before the urge to orgasm becomes too strong. By extending misnamed foreplay, you’ll find a greater intimacy and longer lasting enjoyment of the hormones that make sex feel so good in the first place. Remember, don’t put that pedal to the metal hoping for the checkered flag of sex!