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Q&A: Help Me Pick My First Sex Toy!

Q&A: Help Me Pick My First Sex Toy!

Q: I can’t believe I’m writing for help with my sex life... but the problem is that I don’t really have one. I’m a woman in her 50s and I just got out of a 32 year marriage. I always thought we had an okay sex life, but now I’m wondering if I’ve been missing out all of these years. My husband wasn’t missing out, he was sleeping with everyone. So I am not really keen on connecting with another person. Rather, I am curious about sex toys. I’ve never had one! Again, I thought I was getting lots of fun from my husband, but after talking with friends I see now that I’ve probably been missing out on lots of amazing orgasms. What toys can you recommend for a woman in my position who just wants to masturbate and have fun?

A: I don’t know if this is out of line, but I’d like to offer you congratulations on moving forward in your life. This opportunity will you offer you many new beginnings, one of which will be to focus your sex life on your own pleasure.

There is nothing at all surprising about you not having a sex toy before now. While sex products have been around for a long time, they have only surged in popularity in the last 20 years. Before that, sex toys weren’t as widely available and so weren’t as well known.

At the same time, there are also some misconceptions about sex toys. Unfortunately, many people are under the impression that if you’re in a relationship, that coupling is supposed to be all of the sexual satisfaction that is needed. Why get a sex toy when you’ve got the real thing at home? We’ve heard this too many times. My answer is always “Sure, I’ve got the real thing, but I also want this thing and this thing and this thing!”

Adding a sex product to your sexytimes is all about pleasure, variety and new experiences. Some sex toys provide sensations that no other human can possibly provide you. Significant time and money has gone into researching and developing sex toys in recent years and the results are fantastic. Every type of body is being considered now and I am positive you’ll find a whole garden of sexual delights waiting for you.

You asked for a recommendation of a toy that would be good for you...but you didn’t leave me an idea of what kind of stimulation you enjoy. That just makes this all the more fun! I am happy to introduce you to a bevy of beautiful toys by type, and you can pick and choose which ones you like.

We’re going to head right to the happy zone and consider toys that you can you use pleasure your vulva, vagina and clitoris. The first question to consider is what area do you want to focus your good feelings on most.


Clitoral Vibrators

Vibrators and Clitoral Toys

For many women, the clitoris is the hot spot of sexual pleasure. This small centre of nerve endings is a the key to sexual stimulation and satisfaction for some. For a long time, doctors and scientists had no interest in paying attention to the clitoris, but everyone has finally come around to understanding how important this organ is to women’s sexual health.

This increased interest has lead developers to create a wide variety of toys that focus specifically on the clitoris by providing many different sensations. From vibrations to suction to continual light touches, everybody’s clit likes to be stimulated in a different way and we’re getting new toys all the time to do that!


Gspot Dildos

Dildos and G-Spot Toys

While the clitoris has, thankfully, been “discovered” and considered now, let’s not forget that for many women, penetration is also a wonderful and fulfilling sensation. These types of sex toys have been around for a long time, but they used to be fairly crude and, at best, serviceable. But not anymore!

There are now numerous types of dildos and insertables that will provide you many different types of internal pleasure. You can explore every surface of your vulva on the way on and vagina on the inside. There are eggs, toys that sit inside while you do other things, dildos to stimulate intercourse and G-Spot stimulators to reach that special place!

Of course, these are broad suggestions. Finding the right toy is entirely up to the person who is playing. But, do you want to know the great thing about sex toys: as you search for the perfect one, there is a lot of fun to be had along the way!


About Jon Pressick
Jon Pressick

Jon Pressick is the sex community's international gadabout and Cherry Banana's writer in residence. An award-winning sex writer and blogger, Jon is the editor of the critically-acclaimed Best Sex Writing of the Year, Volume 1. He is a frequent contributor to Cherry Banana with a range of sex-related content and his writing has appeared in numerous magazines and books, as well as all across the Internet. Jon is also a co-host and producer of the long-running sex radio show Sex City. You can keep up with his many sex-related articles here at Cherry Banana or at his own blog, Sex in Words.

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