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The Fine Art of Asking For Anal Sex

The Fine Art of Asking For Anal Sex

There are many significant questions we ask our partners and lovers. Some are fairly benign, such as “How was your day?” Others have the potential to start the next world war, such as “What do you want to eat for dinner tonight?”

Regardless how challenging these ideas, and other relationship queries might be, there is one question that will still, possibly, shake any relationship to its core:

“Can I put my finger/tongue/penis/dildo in your ass?”

Changing Anal Attitudes

Now, times have changed somewhat. It used to be that anal pleasure and sex was one of the biggest taboos. There was still huge stigma and fear surrounding bum fun--even though folks have been partaking forever. Still, the backdoor was still a no go zone in many relationships.

However, as our sexual world broadens, that backdoor has become more and more ajar. People began discovering the immense pleasure possible in our asses and the idea began to gain traction.

And then porn happened.

For those who are loving some butt sex these days, porn has played a role in your fun. Anal sex became a ubiquitous part of mainstream porn. Beginning in the 80s, the porn conversation busted right open into mainstream culture as well. These days more people are exploring anal pleasure than ever before (well, except maybe Ancient Greece!).

The questions still remains about the question: how do you express your desire to play with someone’s ass. Things are more open these days, but some folks are still hesitant to push the backdoor all the way open.

Asking For Anal Sex Toys

The Two P's

Before you even propose the idea, it is important to understand the issues that folks still have and what might be stopping them from getting into bum fun. The issues most frequently cited are the two P’s: poop and pain.

There is a simple maxim that may have originated with anal sex, but I can’t truly verify this. At some point in your ass-fucking life, you will discover that shit happens. Sure, some might think this applies to everyday mundane activites that somehow get messed up. Nope, when it comes to anal sex, there is always the possibility that a little bit of poop might enter the equation.

And a lot of people are really afraid of feces. For the most part, we are hardwired to feel this way, but if you’re going to play with a bum, you might come into contact with some feces. The quicker you deal with this on your own, the better you’ll be able to deal with it in the moment.

The other significant concern many people have is the potential for pain during anal play. And I’m not going to bumrush you here: if you both don’t take things slow and warm that tight hole up with lots of foreplay and lube, there is a chance that your ass adventure will hurt. Part of what makes anal sex so thrilling is that there are many nerve-endings in the anus. Of course, that also increases the opportunity for painful situations. However, if you get that butt nice and ready, pain can be greatly minimized or even entirely eliminated.

Addressing these two concerns (and any others that come up) is a big part of why the “let’s go for some ass action” question is actually more of a conversation. Certainly, for some, there are going to be times, in the heat of the moment, when butt stuff just happens. Hopefully it works out just fine! But if you and your partner feel better about being pragmatic, going over these situations in advance will improve your chances of ass success.

However, we still haven’t addressed the main concern: how can you make that very first move to bring bum fun into your bedroom?

The Question Remains

Ultimately, this depends on your relationship. Are you and your partner direct and forthright with each other? Do you have the type communication that encourages abrupt and honest conversation? If so, then just ask outright sometime during casual conversation. Chances are you’ll easily kickstart the potential of anal pleasure in an easygoing way.

Or do you and your partner connect in a more delicate way? If either of you are shy or reserved about talking about sex, it is best to carve out some special time to combine some tenderness with you talk. Ease into the conversation by introducing other sexy topics that you know appeal to your partner. Setting a sexy scene can make all the difference!

Good luck in talking and possibly more!

About Jon Pressick
Jon Pressick

Jon Pressick is the sex community's international gadabout and Cherry Banana's writer in residence. An award-winning sex writer and blogger, Jon is the editor of the critically-acclaimed Best Sex Writing of the Year, Volume 1. He is a frequent contributor to Cherry Banana with a range of sex-related content and his writing has appeared in numerous magazines and books, as well as all across the Internet. Jon is also a co-host and producer of the long-running sex radio show Sex City. You can keep up with his many sex-related articles here at Cherry Banana or at his own blog, Sex in Words.

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