A Deep Look Into Sexual Fantasies

They say that our fingerprints are the most unique identifiers of each, individual person on the planet. Those little swirls are all our own and can trace us back to everything we touch. While fingerprints are a physical marker of our unique persons, there is something else that will give us away as our own selves every single time: our sexual personality.

It cannot be possible that any two people on this great big planet have the exact same sexual desires, needs and fantasies. It is absolutely impossible. Our sexual wants are grown from inside of us but also the result of many different types of interactions, sensory stimuli, experiences and uniquely innate qualities. To put it easily, the wide world of sex is completely singular to every person. Period.

That does not, however, discount the possibility of some sexual acts and interests being more well-known and desired than others. Certainly, there are some pretty obscure and little considered fetishes and desires out there. Have you ever heard of Ulli and his erotica about wrapping the late singer Roy Orbison in clingfilm? Talk about individuality!

Or maybe not. Maybe lots of people fantasize about watching thin plastic encase the person of a 60’s rock and roll icon. The widespread study of sex has been distinctly lacking until recent times. Because of puritanical attitudes, nobody wanted to pursue studies in sex for fear of major backlash. Others tried and were denied. Instead we were left with very incomplete ideas and many misunderstandings about sex that are only now being undone.

The Prevelance of Fantasies

As the study of sex becomes more popular and accepted, we’ve delved into many different topics that were, heretofore, completely taboo. One of those is this idea of fantasizes. The human mind has a wonderful capacity to dream up so many different wild and amazing scenarios, or to incorporate known ideas into their own desire. This is where overlapping, but individual fantasy comes out to play, and has received significant attention from Dr. Justin Lehmiller.

Dr. Lehmiller recently published Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life by Justin Lehmiller, major new book that explores sexual fantasies in many different way—why we have them and how they differ by age, gender and personality type. He conducted a wide-ranging survey with many different subjects and noted many differences between differing genders, people of a significant range in ages and more individual aspects such as personality type.

The results are fascinating and a great view into our sexual world. From his meticulous research, Dr. Lehmiller has identified 7 different “fantasy themes” from his respondents. They are:

• group sex
• powerplay (from being tied-up to full-on sadomasochism)
• novelty and adventure (like new settings)
• fetish
• non-monogamy
• passion and romance
• erotic flexibility (like gender-bending and sexual contact with the non-preferred sex)

This list covers the majority of sexual interests that people reported, but the generalising into 7 groups should not diminish the uniqueness of the sub groups that could emerge in each.

Differing Delicious Demographics

When gender is considered, two general themes emerge from the vague groupings of men and women. And the results might be surprising. Men want to be desired by their partners. They want an emotional aspect to their sex. Women, on the other hand, are less interested that emotional connection, but do show a distinct interest in bondage and BDSM. One thing that both men and women can agree on? Everybody is thinking a whole lot about group sex.

And this is a common theme in other demographic categories. Older folks are also interested in group sex. This could be a result of years of monogamy in a single relationship. Younger people, on the other hand, are not as reckless as we sometimes believe. In fact, the younger demographic is more interested in having their emotional needs met than pursuing the next hot thing that comes along.

Another interesting distinction is between personality types, particularly introverts and extroverts. While it is not surprising that extroverts are drawn to non-monogamy and group sex fantasies, It is curious to learn that introverts are more likely to fantasize about sexual activities that have usually been considered taboo. Dr. Lehmiller suggests this happens because introverted people can have difficulties meeting and becoming sexually involved with people, so they, instead, develop their own sexual narrative through alternative sexual expression.

Curious to learn more? Dr. Lehmiller has really gone deep with this study and it is a fantastic read.