Q&A: I Might Be Gay - What About The Sex?

Q: I have only ever been with women... but I am pretty sure I am gay. This has taken a long time to figure out, but I am pretty sure. The thing is, I don’t know anything about gay sex. I really want to be intimate with another man, but I am afraid I will look like an idiot when I finally do it. What should I do?

A: Coming out is one thing, but coming out as sexual is an entirely different situation. Remember back to those days when you did first start play with women and how that felt. You were probably nervous, tentative, afraid. You were probably fearful of hurting her, unsure of what to do and hoping beyond hope that she would just lead the way! Above all else though, you were probably excited beyond belief, and I imagine you feel the exact same way now.

As you explore your sexual side with other men, you are bound to enter into the exact same situations as you did when you were entering into sexual relationships with women. Everybody has different personalities, wants, needs and desires, and you’re going to have to navigate those in the best way possible so that you are both happy and satisfied.

You do have one advantage this time around though: your body. Unlike when you were playing with women, you know what you like to have done to your body, which, in a base physical sense, will be similar to your new lovers’ bodies. Think about which parts of your body you like touched, licked, nibbled, sucked. Think about ways you liked your partners to hold, grab, lead and play with you. Think about how you did and did not like your cock touched, licked, nibbled and more. You can apply all of this knowledge to your new sexytimes with a fella. Of course, it might not be the same for him, but it is more likely to be similar than the fumbling times you certainly had before you became acquainted with the female body.

Also, don’t worry about the preconceived notion of what “gay sex” is. Everybody assumes it is all about blow jobs and anal—and this is not necessarily true at all. Gay sex is just sex that happens betweens men and can involve any number of activities. Maybe the first guy you meet loves to cuddle and give handjobs. Maybe the the first guy you meet loves hardcore BDSM and fisting. There is no more likely a normal in gay sex than there is in heterosexual sex. The key is finding someone you are compatible with or someone you are interested in trying new things with.

Good luck in your newfound journeys! But remember one last thing: there is really only one mistake you can make when having sex: not getting consent. Whether you’re looking for a future husband to settle down with or a series of hook-ups, only ever do what your partner has consented to. This is not gay advice, this is advice for everybody. The best sex is consensual sex.