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What Is First Date Sex And What Is Just A Hook-Up?

What Is First Date Sex And What Is Just A Hook-Up?

I am really not sure. Is this an easier time to figure out dating and sex...or is it actually harder? Back in the day there was this supposed rule that people didn’t have sex on the first date. Well, we know that was ridiculous because plenty of folks were definitely getting frisky and having fun on their first meeting. Supposed propriety aside, that was a different time. That was before there were so many ways to hook-up, instead of date.

Amazing apps

Having the opportunity to meet people for sex, at the tips of your fingers, is a glorious and confounding contribution to our species evolution. Oh sure, there are these visions of neanderthals walking along with clubs and just picking a woman to go off into a cave with, but I have a feeling that is pretty much just make believe (and also so very rapey). Currently, we can do something similar but much less frightening. There are apps that track your location, emit that location to others and the two of you can communicate just enough to meet up and get buff...and then move on. Happy end of story.

Don’t get me wrong, this ability to hook-up for casual sex is a fantastic thing. We’re breaking the bonds of repressive non-sexual culture and getting back to our roots of sex for fun because we can. There aren’t a lot of species that just enjoy fucking, and since we have this ability, it is our moral obligation to take advantage of the opportunity.

However, we’re also one of the few species that tends to find mates and pair bond for lengthy periods of time. We move away from the casual and into relationships. No more apps, unless you’re counting real estate ones to find the perfect apartment, condo or house together.

Dating conundrum

So, this gets back to the original point: is it harder now to figure out dating? Can there be confusion between what is a first date that may involve sex and a hook-up that may turn into a date some other time?

In a way, I feel like I’m writing about the next great romantic comedy starring two people, their wacky best friends, possibly an annoying ex and, if we’re lucky, a cross-continent journey to prove true love. There could be so many shenanigans and misinterpretations and general wackiness!

But in reality, I imagine some people are starting to get their hairs crossed about the difference between a date and a hook-up. Bless those souls who have it all figured out and can readily and easily communicate their needs, desires and expectations. But then there’s the rest of us who are still fumbling our way out of the dark ages of sex and relationships.

Remember, along the way, emotions could come into play as well. Imagine you get up the courage to ask out that hottie you’ve long had a crush on. You go out and have fun. You go home together and have more fun. You speak again in the coming days and then find out the other person considered it a nice hook-up and isn’t interested in a relationship.

Disappointment

I just hope, as technology advances, as we regain our sexual freedom and as we begin anew traversing the treacherous waters of the dating world, that we remember that people aren’t just something you swipe away on your phone.

About Jon Pressick
Jon Pressick

Jon Pressick is the sex community's international gadabout and Cherry Banana's writer in residence. An award-winning sex writer and blogger, Jon is the editor of the critically-acclaimed Best Sex Writing of the Year, Volume 1. He is a frequent contributor to Cherry Banana with a range of sex-related content and his writing has appeared in numerous magazines and books, as well as all across the Internet. Jon is also a co-host and producer of the long-running sex radio show Sex City. You can keep up with his many sex-related articles here at Cherry Banana or at his own blog, Sex in Words.

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