Q: I have a secret desire that I’ve never been comfortable telling anybody about, mostly because I’m a man. I’ve never been comfortable enough to tell any of my past girlfriends. But I think I can tell my current girlfriend. She seems pretty open to sex and has been totally into everything we’ve tried. She even loves getting her ass touched and licked and fucked. That all totally turned me on and made me remember just how badly I want me ass touched and licked and fucked. I’m the only one who’s ever done anything back there. But as much as see seems open, I am still nervous about asking. How do I tell my girlfriend I want to get some ass fun too?
A: Well, let’s set the scene. You invite her over for a romantic dinner. Rose petals, wine, beautiful meal. Bearskin rug. Fireplace. Violinists in the corner. You know, an average Saturday night around my place (ha!). The two of you enjoy a fine meal, you talk, you laugh. You retire to the bearskin rug with an aperatif. The light it low, but you catch her eye. You raise your glass in a toast to a new idea. She’s curious and intrigued. So you put down your glass and her’s...you take her hands in yours...and you say “Darling, would you please pleasure my anus?”
Now, that’s one way to do it. Another is, wherever you are, to broach the subject and ask, “I would really enjoy you playing with my ass. Is that something that interests you?”
There really isn’t any right or wrong way to do it, the important thing is to bring up the idea of bum fun for you in a way that doesn’t pressure or coerce your partner. Of course, this applies to all types of sex, not just ass sex.
Men receiving and enjoying anal pleasure is nothing new. It has been happening, well, forever. Whether that be touching and fingering or licking and rimming or good, ol’ ass fucking, guys have been getting it for a long time. And with good reason! For many, anal sex, in all its forms, is a fantastic and intimate experience.
Unfortunately, the idea of men enjoying anal touch was discouraged and considered taboo for some time. It was thought that if a heterosexual man wanted that done to him, well, he must be gay. GASP! Gay! How shocking and revolting and...ridiculous. First off, of course there is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay. We know this. Second, your choice in sexual act has nothing to do with determining your sexuality.
However, this lingering fear is something that still weighs on dudes’ minds, and I hope it doesn’t worry you. I suspect, rather, that you were considered the women in your life could think touching your butt would be unpleasant. And hopefully, if you are planning to suggest this, you’re ready to take the precautions necessary to make someone welcome around and in your backdoor.
So, after you’ve got yourself all ready, mentally by moving past the societal doubts and issues and stigma, and physically by eating some good meals and getting all cleaned up, then it is time to have that talk.
Now, you could broach this during casual conversation outside the bedroom, or you could introduce the idea during sex. I actually recommend you bring up the idea while you are not having sex. Maybe not over dinner, as it is possible the topic of poop might come into play, but possibly over coffee or while lounging around together. The reason to bring it up outside of sex is this: anal can be a lot for people to think about. Some folks are keen and ready to go, others need to think about it. That fear and stigma does still exist. Many folks also have lots of questions about pain and poop and, well, everything. Anal fun is becoming ubiquitous in lots of circles, but it isn’t everywhere yet.
You mentioned that your girlfriend does enjoy anal pleasure herself. This is helpful because she will already be familiar with some of the feelings and sensations herself. While this raises the possibility she might be down to fuck ass...don’t take that for granted. Before sticking your butt in the air in bed, have a good long conversation.
And if that goes well, and you’re both keen, here’s a fun activity: shop together for anal sex toys to use together! You said you want to get fucked...try a strap-on! Or maybe some anal beads. And definitely some lube. Browsing online is a great date night activity.
There are so many possibilities with anal sex... good luck in getting your desire fulfilled!