One of the most important factors in determining whether your relationship is a flash in the sack or a good, long-haul fuck is compatibility. That almost indescribable connection that doesn’t just draw you to another person, but offers the potential for a lifelong connection.
Sometimes, compatibility happens and sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes compatibility is an instant thing that happens as soon as you and your lover meet and sometimes compatibility is something that is learned and grows. Compatibility may seem somewhat mysterious, but really there are some very easy and basic things to consider when you’re trying to figure out whether you and your partner are on a compatible train.
How we connect
First, let’s determine what type of compatibility we’re talking about. There are two types: emotional and sexual. The two can be separate and intertwined. Emotional compatibility revolves around comfort, sharing similar goals and the ability to have fun together.
Sexual compatibility shouldn’t be at all hard to figure out...or is it? So many people think that being able to enjoy a partner physically should just come naturally, that people should just be able to figure out sex with a new person. In reality, that is just not the case at all. Everybody has a different sexual style, different abilities and different interests. It is actually a really amazing thing when you do find someone who shares some or all of these with you.
At the same time, remember that sexual and emotional compatibility do relate because we do need comfort in both ways. We do need to share similar goals in and out of the bed. Finally, the ability to have fun together—in and out of the bedroom is essential.
So, what are some of the ways you can figure out if you and your partner are compatible?
Our words connect us
One of the key factors of compatibility is great communication, whether you’re talking in bed or hanging out on the couch. Couples who are open and able to talk about anything are going to be in a much better place and remain compatible for the long-haul. These talks can include finances, friends, job concerns, dreams, each other’s past and your potential future together. This is not to say that you can’t have personal thoughts and feelings, but in issues that concern the two of you, you both need to be an open book.
All of this also applies to sexual communication. Sure, if you have some secret fantasies, you can keep those to yourself. However, compatible couples share the desires they are comfortable sharing because they know they can have an honest and open conversation. This goes for sexual things good and bad. One true measure of compatibility is the ability to discuss things you are uncomfortable with and things you feel need changing.
Another important aspect of compatibility is knowing when to take the lead and when to be the lead. Sometimes you will want to be the person who is dominant in and out of the bedroom, and sometimes you will want to or need to be submissive. This isn’t necessarily a BDSM thing, but it certainly can be too. Truly compatible people will be comfortable in either role—even if you do have an established power dynamic. There’s always a level above.
Compatibility is an integral part of relationships...and hopefully you can look over at the person you’re with and smile.