When Should You First Have Sex?

The connection was instantaneous. The first moment you locked eyes, both of you knew something was going to happen. Is this love? Lust? A fleeting fascination or the beginning of a life-long relationship?

Whatever it is that is happening, you are going to have to confront the question: when should we first have sex?

Some people are out to find 'the one' and others are just looking for 'the one right now.' Those who are comfortable with casual, no strings attached dalliances don't really have to worry or wonder when sexytimes might happen. More so they might wonder what time those shenanigans will begin.

For those seeking a more serious, traditional arrangement, you know, a relationship, determining when to doff your duds together is an important decision.

Of course, deciding to get busy the first day you meet is an option. Some people will call this choice slutty, but that talk is a relic of previous shame-based rhetoric that is best forgotten in our discussions of sexuality. Many couples have met, fucked and gone on to have wonderful, successful and satisfying relationships. Of course, the opposite can be true as well. One night stands can be fantastic, but some people can suffer issues such as fear of commitment as a result.

On the other hand, some people prefer a period of time to pass called "getting to know each other." Taking the time to learn more about someone, their personality, their likes and dislikes, their last name is also a great way to establish the foundation upon which a fantastic relationship can be built. Some people wait days, some weeks and others even longer. This is a matter of personal comfort and establishing comfort with someone else. This decision is a two-way discussion. And while one person should never pressure another into sex, some would argue that not taking that step is too disappointing to bear.

So, which is the better way to go? This question has been the subject of countless rom-coms and after school specials as women and men try to wade through societal stereotypes and personal desire. The overarching, sexually conservative voice will say that you should wait. Possibly even until marriage! Many consider this a fairly antiquated notion and don’t hold much stock in it, but you might still experience difficulty from people who do believe it. And if you do have premarital sex, particularly lots of premarital sex, conservative folks will get down on that as well.

Conversely, as our sexual attitudes loosen and some parts of society become more tolerant of differing sexual needs, desires and beliefs, it is possible to be prude-shamed. If you choose to wait some time before having sex, some progressive folks will wonder what is wrong with you and why aren’t you gettin’ some. The desire to wait for comfort and possibly even love is just as natural as partaking in sex whenever you want. Holding out until you are sure is as valid a choice as the other.

And that is what this all comes down to: your choice. When you want to have sex, and you are with someone who is just as eager and respectful as you - go for it!