Understanding Your Sexual Personality

Have you ever taken the time to consider your sexual personality?

There are many ways we differ from one another—from every day living to long-term goals and aspirations. People are so diverse it is sometimes a wonder that we have anything in common with each other! But we do, and somehow, on this great big planet, we do find people we share enough with to want to share that little bit more...with our clothes off.

How do we know if we're compatible?

This isn’t a given though. Sorry to say, but it can take a long time, and possibly many tries to find the person who fit most with sexually. Compatibility is a truly fickle part of our personalities. A new partner could meet so many of the checkboxes, but, then, some little thing will come along that could spell game over.

Of course, this can apply to many different areas of life, and the likelihood is, you’ll find some kind of incompatibility elsewhere before it emerges in the bedroom. Sexual personalities have a tricky habit of taking a while to emerge. Think about that beginning phase of a relationship. Everything is great and the sex is even better than that! Folks just want to get freaky all the time and, in sex, we have a greater ability to ignore some glaring compatibility problems.

But there is one important factor that is often ignored when embarking on new nighttime shenanigans. Sure, a good and strong relationship is built on great communication between partners. Yes, sharing of yourself and listening to your partner are key for great sex. And, by all means, asking questions to clarify likes/loves/desires/kinks/not keens/hard limits is essential to a mutually-fulfilling sexual relationship.

But before you get to the point of meeting and understanding your partner, you have to know you. You have to understand and be able to articulate your own sexual personality. If you cannot do that, movement forward is going to be tricky for both of you.

So, how do you do this? Don’t people just know what they like and don’t like? Isn’t it all innate?

Well, sometimes yes...sometimes no.

How can we know?

For some, sexual personalities emerge at a young age, either fully formed or continually growing. These folks usually have a handle on the things they enjoy or are interested in fairly early on. In some senses this can be quite liberating and can lead some folks to great, sexytimes throughout their lives. Comfort can be very satisfying. On the other hand, a static sexual setlist might become repetitive and could become somewhat problematic when connecting with new lovers who have a broader range of interests.

There are pros and cons to being someone for whom sexual interests is an ongoing exploration as well. Sure, the opportunity to try and possibly adore new things can lead to amazing new discoveries and wonderful orgasms. That said, there is always the potential of new lovers not being quite as wild as you. Their version of great sex might be much more tame than yours, and reconciling these two sex lives can be a challenge.

So, how can you discover your own sexual personality? Well, take a look through the link above and try the online test put together by Dr. Ava Cadell. Once you go through all of the questions, compare your result to her suggested sexual personalities in the article?

Surprising result?

Did you get the personality you thought you would? Were you surprised by the results? In a good way or a not so good way?

Don’t be too surprised by your result, one way or the other. Knowing and understanding our sexual personalities is a tricky thing. While things are changing some now, in terms of discussion and representation of sexuality in education and social conscience, many of us were never taught that our sex lives are more than just the occasional romp to make babies. We were never taught to reflect on what sex means to us and how it affects our lives more than just the 10 minutes in the sack.

If we don’t know to consider it, why would we?

As noted, this will hopefully change. We are in the midst of a revolution in sexual thinking and one of the prime opportunities we now have is to take a bit of time to think about and reflect on this important part of our lives.

And when you have your own sexual personality in a good place, you’ll be better able to move forward to someone else’s sexy places.