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To Hook-Up Or Not Hook-Up?

To Hook-Up Or Not Hook-Up?

For some folks, hooking up is just a way of life. A great, sticky fun way of life. They can meet new people, discern with whom they want to have a sexual encounter and then proceed or proceed depending on what criteria they have for whether that hook-up should happen. Some might need a certain physical attraction, a compatible personality or just the fun of adventure. Some might just need a willing partner and some place to get it on. To each their own.

For others, hooking up can be fraught with difficulties. This is no surprise. For far too long we’ve been taught that casual sex is a big taboo. You know, we’re supposed to meet THE ONE, fall in love and then live happily ever after having sex with that lone person for the rest of our lives. Given that basis, people have approached hook-ups with extreme trepidation, and maybe a bit of self-loathing even while participating in them. After all, you may not always be happy with the feelings before and after, but the promise of sexy sensations during can certainly override those others.

How will you know?

A recent study was conducted that provides some great information that just might explain why people feel hook-up regret and what thoughts they might want to consider if they want to continue to pursue casual sex.

It may be surprising, but doesn’t it seem like the best reasons for pursuing a little casual action all seem to be somewhat shallow? Maybe it shouldn’t be surprising at all. It seems people are cool with hook-ups when they are done for novelty and adventure, because of physical attraction and because of simple sexual desire. In other words, hitting up your favourite app because you just want to have some fun is a pretty logical reason.

On the other hand, there are different reasons that just might doom your hook-up to be unsatisfying right from the start. If you are looking to boost your self-esteem, trying to please someone else or are looking to turn that connection into something more, well, you’re setting yourself up for potential disappointment.

Feelings are key

And what is the core difference between the two? Well, the first reasons are almost entirely physical. They involve you letting your body lead you to potential pleasure. Whereas the hook-up buzzkillers are all emotion based. They all involve the emotional you, with thoughts, fears, doubts and more, negate the positive feelings that your physical body has experienced. Not only can they negate those feelings, they could, if it happens enough times, turn your future positive adventures into bad times.

If you are feeling conflict about participating in hook-ups or casual sex, it is important to take a step back and reconsider what part of you is being fulfilled or not fulfilled. Sure, there is a great movement happening to allow people to enjoy whatever types of sex they are interested in, without feelings of guilt or shame. But just because it is possible, doesn’t mean it is right for you. And please remember, that is okay. Everybody needs to pick the sexual path that is best for them.

About Jon Pressick
Jon Pressick

Jon Pressick is the sex community's international gadabout and Cherry Banana's writer in residence. An award-winning sex writer and blogger, Jon is the editor of the critically-acclaimed Best Sex Writing of the Year, Volume 1. He is a frequent contributor to Cherry Banana with a range of sex-related content and his writing has appeared in numerous magazines and books, as well as all across the Internet. Jon is also a co-host and producer of the long-running sex radio show Sex City. You can keep up with his many sex-related articles here at Cherry Banana or at his own blog, Sex in Words.

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