Let’s talk about a problem. A serious problem. Society refuses to talk about sex education for girls. For sure, the lack of sex ed in general is a significant issue for everybody, regardless of gender. We continue to fail our youth, as previous generations have also been failed by not providing sex education that truly prepares them for the real work that is out there. But with girls, it is different. The situation is even worse.
The general failure of sex ed
It could be argued that boys are receiving the same, lacking sex ed, and that is not incorrect. However, society is set up in a way to provide boys with that one aspect of sexual education that women do not receive: the concept of pleasure. Everything around us reminds boys that yes, they are entitled to and will receive gratification and enjoyment from sex. Films, television, songs, books, the internet—every form of media reinforces the idea that guys are gonna get it and they’re going to love it.
And that is just the wider social messaging. Boys are also informed, from an early age, that sex is predominantly designed for their needs. This may not be explicitly stated, but it is made clear by the lack of pleasure-based sex ed for girls. Because they are definitely not taught that their sexual needs and desires are of paramount concern. They are taught, implicitly and sometimes explicitly that their bodies are a vessel to bring pleasure and babies to men.
Pleasure approach
This double standard is evidenced by the very medical approach that is taken to girls sex education. They are taught about fertility and menstrual cycles. They are taught about the changes in their body. They are taught aspects of virginity. When media discusses emerging female sexual feelings, it is clandestine and quiet. It is something kept secret and hidden under covers. On the other hand, how many representations of rampant teenage male horniness have we been subjected to? But even if female masturbation is an integral part of a character’s story, it is a dimly-lit, well-hidden secret.
What is clearly lacking is a societal desire to give girls and women sexual agency. This is not a new problem, we’ve been dealing with this for centuries. But is now the time to try and make change happen?
Where to begin?
Globally, there is a shift toward conservatism and this does not bode well for a new sexual revolution. Jurisdictions are tending to look backwards, not forwards and this could stall a lot of social justice reforms. But change can happen, and must happen. And it must start at the grassroots level.
It must start with our daughters.
I have two daughters and they are amazing people. Even a seasoned sex writer such as myself can have difficulties communicating with them about sex. That’s another societal thing we need get over the challenges of talking about sex with our kids. Especially girls, because they aren’t going to get positive information from many other places.
Jon Pressick is the sex community's international gadabout and Cherry Banana's writer in residence. An award-winning sex writer and blogger, Jon is the editor of the critically-acclaimed Best Sex Writing of the Year, Volume 1. He is a frequent contributor to Cherry Banana with a range of sex-related content and his writing has appeared in numerous magazines and books, as well as all across the Internet. Jon is also a co-host and producer of the long-running sex radio show Sex City. You can keep up with his many sex-related articles here at Cherry Banana or at his own blog, Sex in Words.
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