Dealing With Low Libido

There comes a time in every relationship when you crawl into bed, look at each other and just curl up and go to sleep. And from that moment on, you’ve reached a new stage in your togetherness.

We are taught, through media and wild hopes and aspirations that relationships bring sex. Lots of it. All the time! And sure, the hope is your relationship will always be full of hot moments and incredible orgasms. But, the reality is that, after time, your and your partner’s libidos will probably wane somewhat, as you move from lovestruck chaos “I WANT YOU ALL THE TIME” to comfort, understanding and “I still want you but damn am I ever tired tonight.”

Our lust and passion are fickle things, influenced by many different outside factors. You may still desire a randy romp with your partner, but after a day of work/kids/people/hobbies/cleaning/generally being a part of society, the thought of being physically active in any way has your body saying “not tonight dear.”

Accepting “not tonight” happens

And that is okay! We should never feel pressure to have sex if we’re not interested... but too many other outside influences put a lot of pressure - particularly women - on us to have sex even when our libido is laying on the floor, exhausted. We’re trained to believe that we should always be passionate, always be ready. That the sight and sound of our partner will always get us wet/hard. Film and television have painted an unrealistic ideal of what it is to be a sexual being. This can lead people to feel they are somehow inferior or incomplete... that they aren’t doing enough to please their partners.

And maybe they’re right, because their partners - particularly men - have grown up to expect sex at any given moment. And, unfortunately, many men take this all too literally and will shame or even be abusive when they don’t get some, when they want it. Of course, when a guy says he’s too tired, it is supposed to be understood, but when a woman says she is too tired, she is called any number of unpleasant names.

Many contributing factors

A lowered libido can be the result of more than just exhaustion. There are many factors that can lessen your desire to get lucky. Stress is another common factor in a diminished sex drive. We carry so much baggage around with us, including our finances, work-related issues, family struggles and much more. Stress can become an overarching feeling that can not just lower your desire for sexual fun, but fun of any sort.

Another reason for diminished libido can be medical reasons, particularly as we age. Many different illnesses and diseases can wreak havoc on our sexytimes. And even if an illness doesn’t, the medication you take for it can. If you are dealing with an illness or taking medication and suffer from an abnormally lower sex drive, consult your doctor and ask if that is a realistic side effect. And if it really bothers you, ask if it is possible to change your medication.

Talk about it

There remains one key thing to remember about a lowered libido in a relationship: talk about it openly and honestly with your partner. While you do not owe your partner sex ever, sex is a significant form of intimacy in relationships. Losing sexual touch without understanding can be confusing. And discussing it and keeping each other in the loop when sex tides are low will actually provide a new type of intimacy!