BDSM Contracts - Sign Before The Cuffs Go On

It really seems like sex should be the most simple of life’s pleasures. It should be something delightful and easy, something that you and whomever you choose to play with enter into with care and consideration because you’re both trying to have a great and sexy time.

But, as with most things in life, sex is almost never that simple because we are all complex creatures with many different needs. Figuring out how to align with your lovers takes time, patience, understanding and much more. And then you need to maintain the sexy too!

Predictably, taking the next step to a BDSM connection is infinitely more complex. A core principle to BDSM is some level of power exchange. It can be rather straightforward, such as one partner spanking the other. The spanker has the power, but the spankee has to grant that power to the spanker. There are, of course, many different levels of power exchange that can go right up to a 24/7 Master/Slave dynamic.

Communication is key

Wherever your choice lies on the BDSM spectrum, you must be ready to engage in a committed and honest communication about your needs, wants and desires—as well as your limits, dislikes and boundaries. How much you choose to negotiate all of these is entirely up to you and the person or people you are playing with. But it is critical that all people involved in the proposed scene understand and agree to each others criteria or else there is the potential for trouble.

And let’s be frank here. BDSM can be an intimidating play or lifestyle preference. It can also be dangerous. BDSM is a mindset that lets people explore their darker, socially-inhibited fantasies and preferences. On the physical side, play can be rough. On the emotional side, play can definitely challenge beliefs and comfort. Finally, on the relationship side, play can go wrong. Honest mistakes and miscommunication can happen, but liberties can also be taken. By no means is this meant to demonize BDSM play and relationships. It is just something people need to be aware of (and really, it applies to all kinds of sex).

Setting matters straight

This is a where a BDSM contract can, hopefully, help alleviate fears and get players into the right headspace to produce a truly magnificent scene or relationship. A BDSM contract, depending how detailed it is, can outline everything each person does and does not want to explore in the scene. The contract can provide ready guidance to study in advance or in the heat of a moment. Ideally, everyone involved is well-versed in the structure already!

Another great aspect of a BDSM contract is that just filling out it will probably help the players think of issues and concerns that hadn’t been at the top of their thoughts. Using a contract with others you trust who are also into BDSM can provoke a deeper understanding of the roles you want to play and the activities you want to participate in. Take your time to consider all of the options.